who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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