you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
