You're my little dorito
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
