I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
