I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
