then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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