Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
