Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
