Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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