I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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