Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize