The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
