Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
