He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
