I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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