dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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