He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
