Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
