my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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