he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
