so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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