How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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