What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
