you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
