Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
