Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
