So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
