I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
