her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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