Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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