I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize