the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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