So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You work out of a Hotel?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
