ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
