I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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