In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
