I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
