May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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