They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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