I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
