I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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