I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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