Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
