my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
