I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
