I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
