He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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