He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
