I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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