you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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