haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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