Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
