I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
