foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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