wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
