Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
