There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
