Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
