They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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