I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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