is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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