I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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