Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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