Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize