i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
