you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
