its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
