Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
