we're chasing vodka with high fives
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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