Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
