Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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