What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
