Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
